happiness

"most of the time, i've got nothing to say, when i do its nothing and nobody's there to listen anyway."

happiness developed from a fast shutter, and obviously pedaling around like normal.

Rode today around Patapsco, mostly downhill oriented stuff, but still enjoyed the climbs and tech stuff i'd been practicing recently like track stands, hopping up and down stuff, and nose wheelies and other simple stuff, apparently speed comes with control.
Somewhat disappointing is that I am still noticing the separation and almost ill feelings from other cross country riders toward more downhill oriented riders. It is seeming recently that you almost are required back there to have a 20-25 lb bike to be considered with any respect? man, fuck that idea. It is definitely not all xc riders, but a small percentage really carry this deeply ingrained. I really shouldn't care, I am always just stoked to see anyone out having a great time outdoors on a bike or not. People are really happier outside. Who the fuck cares, I'll still greet all on a $10,000 bike or a $100 costco bike, and feel good about it.

Flickr is full. Don't feel like paying for being a "pro" (what does that mean anyway?) right now. I had a good time after riding shooting around the park. I liked some of my choice shots. Still a photo n00b.

do it.

you really should check out dr. octagon.

I have never in my life heard anyone put the strangest words together and make it just make a shred of sense before you are hit with the next rhyme that just barely makes sense, but enough sense to realize that he is pretty intelligent. carry on...

oh yeah, halfsharkalligatorhalfman on you tube

the doctor is in.

yeah, I guess I am.

"hardly the type to give garbage advice."

You know what you should probably do if you haven't done so ever, is watch any of the reality tv shows on mtv or vh1 while listening to music with headphones on. For example I am, right now, listening to neil young, watching "a real chance of love" on mtv where these stupid ass chicks are getting all tore up and fighting each other in to the ground pulling hair, just to get railed by some rap superstar for a month and then likely get tossed out. Although, the head phones come in nicely where you just have to interpret what is going on by what you are seeing and not what you are hearing. Obviously neil young does not care nor will ever care what these chicks are doing on tv. Most of these women look really "attractive" but even just reading their facial and body language makes them totally hideous.

Yeah, I guess I am some type of elitist or something but I don't give a fuck. These people are on tv for the great american population to by hypocritical about their own lives and take shots at them. That would pretty much outline their place in society for the period of time that they are on tv in my eyes.

People are getting worse by the day, I mean what girl in her right mind would want to get with brett michael's

wow, alot in there as of now.

"...castles made of sand falling in the sea eventually..."

More later.

what happened to you.

There is sanctity in riding bicycles. There is sanctity in conversation. There is sanctity in anything that you just might not expect to happen, good or bad in most cases.

Often times on Sunday evenings I will sit here in this same spot on my couch in my empty living room and reflect on the weeks past and the things that I was totally stoked on, and the things I was absolutely distraught over. Recently it has been more distraught than stoked unfortunately.

Fucking money, women, bills, and work have really been tearing down my usual calm demeanor. Apparently this year end was harder for me financially than it has EVER been. I just recently kicked out two roommates out of my house, traveled to south Carolina to track my race car (probably shouldn't have looking back on it, but it was fun so whatever), flew to California to take a class (an expensive class...) on a race engine computer program that seems limitless in its potential but almost requires you buy one to fully understand the ins and outs of its software ($6500-7000), car insurance for the civic and the race car, Christmas spending, utilities have gone up, and trying to still stay on top of equipment that I need at the shop. Man, should 24 year old kids be trying to do all of this? times like these it seems clear why people strive so hard to live simply.

BUT, then again, the grass is most definitely always greener. And, I really should be happy that I have all of the opportunities to do all of these things (even if I can just BARELY afford it) Particularly with me it seems sometimes.

In terms of women? Fuck man, I could quite possibly have some of the strangest luck ever, great people but the absolute most odd circumstances. What can I say really. The more I think about any problems that I may have, there are always people out there that will make your "problems" look like perfect situations. Just enjoy the people you are invested in and you'll be doing just fine.

"...most of the great art of the world is about that very problem."

balance at the gambrill state park watershed, i wish.

Throwback v.3

Again, on the trail...

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

"The *over dramatic voice* DIGITAL DIVIDE *end/ over dramatic voice*"

This concept of the digital divide is a concept that is commonly looked at in an incorrect way in my honest opinion. The simple answer to the question that is frequently asked is that yes, the availability for people to access computers allows them to have a greater opportunity to "succeed in life" as compared to people who don't. Now that we have evaluated the fat in this question we can now look at how our society has determined success.

warning this will sway away from what we see as the "digital divide" but we will return, promise.

Now we can ask what does the digital divide have in relationship to success? Well, what is success? Success to many is money, power, and prestige. To me success will always be what I do not have, I do not have the ability to be content with anything, I could be extremely successful, wealthy, popular, knowledgeable, although I don't see success as these things. I see success in the man that works 60 hour work weeks to support a family that loves him, and how this man would be totally happy in his life, he may not have upward mobility although he doesn't need it. He is happy and content. Does the digital divide have any effect on this man in question? Absolutely not.

This throws a total curve ball in to our discussion of how the digital divide effects each and everyone of us. Does the digital divide effect you? If you do not have access, do you think you would be better off if you did? Then in this situation it is up to you to answer this question.

Throwback v.2

Continuing the trend...

Monday, September 3, 2007

"yes, you."

There are these days that we all sit and think and dwell on things of past. If you are anything like myself you will realize that this really does us only the comfort of the present thinking moment. There are no long term benefits to dwelling on the past other than learning from mistakes. But it has seemed to me recently that you may not be able to learn from these "mistakes" that one may or may not have made.

My logic in a nutshell with this is fairly simple (as are most of the things that I happen to write about). How can one sit and dwell on what he or she has done wrong, if there was nothing done wrong in the first place? (That even sounds odd in my head, I cant imagine what it looks like to whomever may be reading this...) If you think about something that went wrong in the past, easiest generally being a relationship gone astray. You may come to the conclusion after way too much thought that you had totally treated this person in question wrongly, or with out care. But what if in your head you are actually creating a false answer to a situation that need not be addressed just for the sole reason that you tried to wrap logic around something that you don't have all the information from both parties involved, just your own side.

(i.e. your not thinking about these things with the person you were in the relationship with next to you telling your logic on these issues was false or accurate).

I has seemed to me recently that the gears in my own head will never stop turning when concentrating on things of no importance in the past. This is really an over written entry that could have been shortly summed up by saying "for your own sake, stop over thinking everything."

Throwback v.1

Good ol' throwback from 07...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

"your thought gone wrong, way wrong."

I was sitting down today in a brief moment of thought, then I said should I really attempt to fit in to someone else's mold to be friends, or just be myself and act on the things and feelings I want to act on.

Well, your typical answer would be to "Just be yourself". I can't count how many times I have heard that in my life. Although what I and possibly others run in to in this situation is that I feel that I can not fit in to the mental and physical status quo of some (not in any way an elevated status above the one in question, all on equal planes) for the simple reason that I may sometimes feel that I would wind up censoring my self to the point where I would say I agree with something when I actually do not.

ok thats out of the question right?

Well again I have another issue. In some cases where I am "Just being my self" I wind up offending people or often step on peoples belief structure. This is in no way engineered to make people feel bad, or with any malicious intent but when I am confronted with these problems I feel it is a bad thing to let something go that in my eyes is not totally objective or fair.

so while writing this down I seemed to have come up with something...

The fact that I have strong beliefs in somethings is my own problem. I should probably not deem it necessary to inflict my irrational thought on other people. I have been informed in the past that I seem to portray a vibe of over all supremacy. I in all honesty do not feel this way in any shape or form, and not to the point that I think that I should not speak to some one because I am better than they are. Although I do have a large problem with losing friends. Quite possible I am doing this while being totally unaware of it.

Ill just give up on giving my opinion until after it is

1. asked for.
2. person questioning is given the disclamier that it could get ugly.
3. well thought out.
4. not about wal-mart.

salvation through two wheels.

We all seek things to make us feel better, this is an ingrained directive that we all have deep

within us. Obviously, for some it is easier to create this feeling in ways that could be in the arms of another, in the blur of drugs, or in the bottom of a bottle.

I, on the other hand, always feel really fortunate to be able to occasionally create this feeling through a number of different more socially accepted ways (well some anyway). This particular example i'll use today is through just being you who want to be while riding a simple bicycle. The feelings that come over me when just rolling down a hill in parks local to me or more exotic ones far far away is hard to capture in words. The silence, the trees, the water, the sound of...nothing else. Even looking back on that after writing it, I almost feel compelled to delete it just because of the stupidity of trying to capture something must only be experienced, not read about.

Last time I rode was last sunday with Ed (a guy who embodies the ideal of living life to the best of your ability, a lesson I think so many other people should really think about, more later...) Ed and I had the plan to drive up to Gambrill state park, and ride the downhill sections on the watershed side. We were both really excited for these trails we've both heard a bunch about. We get set up to ride the first set, and start talking with these other two cats (Dave and Tyler), who we didn't know. These guys turn out to be some of the nicest people I've ever met on a trail on the east coast.

(sidenote ehh)

When I was out in Utah at slickrock that was really the first time I'd met anyone on a trail who was just stoked to be where they were at that point in time, not there to lose weight or look more in shape, not because they felt that they had to be, they were just there to enjoy the ride and be.

So, we get to talking with these two and ask if Ed and I can tag along with them the first time down the hill to get a feel for the line and the proper route. We have a run with them, and it was excellent, they were both very technically good, but never in a way that made you feel like a total shit head for being slower at first. I'm smiling from ear to ear at this point, not only because it is a totally sick line down the hill with nice set up jumps and berms (yay!), but because it gave me hope that there are still people out there who are just down to have a good time with who ever. These guys just wanted to "go fast" and have a good time, their riding styles showed it, as did their attitudes. So refreshing.

Riding, good people, and 30-40 degrees of decline will make me smile any day of the week.

sander.