yeah, i was compelled after reading it.

Basically if you don't have or get bike magazine you need to. I don't care if you don't like bikes, its just excellent writing. Continuing with that theme, I've decided to copy an article word for word out of the December 2008 issue. I rode my bike to this bagel joint near my house, and sat down with a cup of coffee and a bagel and glanced through this issue, stumbling upon this article. These things are dangerous, I am very easily influenced at times when all the stars align. Reading this sitting outside with my bike, watching all of the people drive to the grocery store with in walking distance of their houses, whiny fucking kids, and people parking on the curb just to get their bagel and cappuccino as fast as possible so they can get home and watch some fucking worthless tv. different strokes for different folks i would imagine. Although I would feel that it is important to mention that my imagination regarding these issues is running dry at the moment it seems.

It is becoming more apparent that I am searching for something else, and may not be able to find it here and now.

Section entitled Grimy Handshake by Mike Ferrentino.
"the why (again)"
after all these years, the answer is still the same.
www.bikemag.com

Once, way back when I had just started writing about bikes, I wrote something like: "Don't ask why you ride, Ask why you don't ride more..."

I say something like because it was written about 16 years ago in a long-gone regional publication remembered as "California Bicyclist" in a time before the internets were here to capture everything we ever spit out of a keyboard like some gigantic lint trap for our collective typed morass of wasted words, and I am notorious for my ability to not recall much of what I say as well as my inability to hang onto any physical evidence of my past. And, dammit, 16 years is a hell of a long time. Long enough ago that I somehow remember being impressed that my modem was running a whopping 2400 baud when I sent those words down the wire, its red LED indicating that shit was happening flickering fiercely the whole while. Yee Haw!
I was young, I was riding between 100 and 200 miles a week - mostly off road = and besides scribbling stuff down into notebooks, racing, and wrenching on bikes at the Bicycle Trip in Santa Cruz, I didnt have much else getting in the way with regard to time management. Riding was everything so when I wrote that I was having some sort of "god damn, there is nothing more real and fulfilling in life than riding bikes, and even the shitty rides are opening up my mind in kaleidoscopic new ways, and everyone in the world needs to feel this vibe" realization. I might have also been very transparently poaching the corpse of JFK and his whole "ask not what your country can do for you" oratory style. Andi, I was probably floating on a cloud of endorphins so thick it could have looked to an outsider like I was deep in the grips of a combined ecstasy and LSD binge. Ahhh youth.

Looking back, with eyes that crease around the corners now and have a furrow in between them most of the time on days when the world has my ass between its sharp teeth, I have these moments of "Oh yeah? I'll tell you why I don't ride more, you cocky little dipshit" bitterness:

Because I have to pay rent, and I have to pay taxes, and I have to pay child support, and there's a car payment, and all kinds of insurance, and once and a while I want to eat somewhere where they serve something other than burritos and drink something more refined than whatever canned beer is cheapest this week, and that means I have to suck it up and punch the clock. And sometimes that means riding gets kicked to the curb. But you wouldn't know that, because you're 27, have peter fucking pan for a role model, work four days in a heavy week, and aside from 300 bucks a month in rent you don't need money you little freeloader.

Because you ruined my body, you ingrate punk. "One speeds are more core". Way to go Einstein. A decade and change spent humping a 2:1 gear chasing the wheels of the big boys, and never once bothering to stretch, did wonders for the piriformis and the iliopsoas and the sacroiliac joint, didn't it? At least it wasn't the knees that went, But yeah, some days getting to the point where hips don't make popping and clunking sounds when standing up is work enough. Ride? How about nap? Oh, by the way osteopaths and and x-rays and MRI's and yoga class and pilates (dear God, I can hear your youthful mockery from here) cost money too. Back to work, slacker.

Because all that money I have to earn gets spent on things that take time. People who don't ride bikes to spend time with, places to visit where bikes aren't the first priority, motorcycles to ride, lawns to mow, meals to cook, cars to wash, hardwood floors to mop, dammit, do you even have any idea how long it takes to mop a hardwood floor? No, of course not. You still have a bookshelf made of out cinder blocks and 2 x 12's, your bed is a rolled up futon on a floor, and you can fit everything you own in the back of a borrowed 1980 Toyota Celica hatchback. And you always sucked at chores anyway.

Because sometimes there's more to life than just riding bikes.

Sometimes.

But then, as I churn through the litany of reasoned excuses as why it is perfectly acceptable to not ride so much, while absently playing with a roll of belly fat, I catch my self siding with the young zealot...

(begins to recall rides he had done)

(while riding)...A tiny voice, whispering inside my supposedly sage head, "Do you really need any of this shit? This job? This roof over your head? These bikes? Those restaurant meals? Paying taxes? Working in an office? You're getting soft, old man..."

And it dawns on me, again, that this young ghost, this arrogant, ignorant, obsessively self-absorbed shard of my past was right. Ask only why you don't ride more.

Or better still, don't ask anything at all. Just quit making excuses, stop stalling, shut the fuck up, and ride. It may not be very evolved, but it's enough of an ethos for me to dangle like a carrot before my aging psychic horse.

Thank you Mike Ferrentino, well said.

oh, I also rode one of these yesterday with a couple of friends, awesome. it will be mine. one day.

dottie

this woman sure spoke some sense today. unlike other times she shows up in the shop. more later.

dottie, as we will call her. came in today to pick up her car. she began on a rant about how my self and a co-worker of mine should go about handling relationships with women. (picture a 55+ yr old african american woman with a heavy smokers voice, and thick african accent telling you this)

She goes on to state that we should not take this simple fact for granted that men are constantly attempting to be in control of their woman, while generally speaking the woman is most ALWAYS in control. The minute the man lets go of this never ending quest to be in control is the minute they will be "free" she purposely left free as an open definition. she said you define free, if it is with her or not or solo forever. she said you will be "free"

I mean, i shit you not, I am just doing paper work in the office when she just comes out with it. I sat and thought about a number of different ways that could be interpreted, but regardless, super entertaining nonetheless.

/end nonsense today.

sander

song of the minute...
Black Flag, "Rise Above"

act nice, act nice and gentle to me.

Had a pretty cool weekend at Rays mt bike park in cleveland ohio (www.raysmtb.com). Cleveland gets the thumbs up for awesome dudes and girls. Most all seemed nice and super friendly in the bike park and in the brewery down the street (Beer Engine) where jeffrey and i spent a fair bit of time (...and money).

Awesome time riding, brought the wrong bike to that place, although I was able to hold a good line against some of the ok 26" dj guys.

info about rays mtb

my pictures from rays here

happiness

"most of the time, i've got nothing to say, when i do its nothing and nobody's there to listen anyway."

happiness developed from a fast shutter, and obviously pedaling around like normal.

Rode today around Patapsco, mostly downhill oriented stuff, but still enjoyed the climbs and tech stuff i'd been practicing recently like track stands, hopping up and down stuff, and nose wheelies and other simple stuff, apparently speed comes with control.
Somewhat disappointing is that I am still noticing the separation and almost ill feelings from other cross country riders toward more downhill oriented riders. It is seeming recently that you almost are required back there to have a 20-25 lb bike to be considered with any respect? man, fuck that idea. It is definitely not all xc riders, but a small percentage really carry this deeply ingrained. I really shouldn't care, I am always just stoked to see anyone out having a great time outdoors on a bike or not. People are really happier outside. Who the fuck cares, I'll still greet all on a $10,000 bike or a $100 costco bike, and feel good about it.

Flickr is full. Don't feel like paying for being a "pro" (what does that mean anyway?) right now. I had a good time after riding shooting around the park. I liked some of my choice shots. Still a photo n00b.

do it.

you really should check out dr. octagon.

I have never in my life heard anyone put the strangest words together and make it just make a shred of sense before you are hit with the next rhyme that just barely makes sense, but enough sense to realize that he is pretty intelligent. carry on...

oh yeah, halfsharkalligatorhalfman on you tube

the doctor is in.

yeah, I guess I am.

"hardly the type to give garbage advice."

You know what you should probably do if you haven't done so ever, is watch any of the reality tv shows on mtv or vh1 while listening to music with headphones on. For example I am, right now, listening to neil young, watching "a real chance of love" on mtv where these stupid ass chicks are getting all tore up and fighting each other in to the ground pulling hair, just to get railed by some rap superstar for a month and then likely get tossed out. Although, the head phones come in nicely where you just have to interpret what is going on by what you are seeing and not what you are hearing. Obviously neil young does not care nor will ever care what these chicks are doing on tv. Most of these women look really "attractive" but even just reading their facial and body language makes them totally hideous.

Yeah, I guess I am some type of elitist or something but I don't give a fuck. These people are on tv for the great american population to by hypocritical about their own lives and take shots at them. That would pretty much outline their place in society for the period of time that they are on tv in my eyes.

People are getting worse by the day, I mean what girl in her right mind would want to get with brett michael's

wow, alot in there as of now.

"...castles made of sand falling in the sea eventually..."

More later.

what happened to you.

There is sanctity in riding bicycles. There is sanctity in conversation. There is sanctity in anything that you just might not expect to happen, good or bad in most cases.

Often times on Sunday evenings I will sit here in this same spot on my couch in my empty living room and reflect on the weeks past and the things that I was totally stoked on, and the things I was absolutely distraught over. Recently it has been more distraught than stoked unfortunately.

Fucking money, women, bills, and work have really been tearing down my usual calm demeanor. Apparently this year end was harder for me financially than it has EVER been. I just recently kicked out two roommates out of my house, traveled to south Carolina to track my race car (probably shouldn't have looking back on it, but it was fun so whatever), flew to California to take a class (an expensive class...) on a race engine computer program that seems limitless in its potential but almost requires you buy one to fully understand the ins and outs of its software ($6500-7000), car insurance for the civic and the race car, Christmas spending, utilities have gone up, and trying to still stay on top of equipment that I need at the shop. Man, should 24 year old kids be trying to do all of this? times like these it seems clear why people strive so hard to live simply.

BUT, then again, the grass is most definitely always greener. And, I really should be happy that I have all of the opportunities to do all of these things (even if I can just BARELY afford it) Particularly with me it seems sometimes.

In terms of women? Fuck man, I could quite possibly have some of the strangest luck ever, great people but the absolute most odd circumstances. What can I say really. The more I think about any problems that I may have, there are always people out there that will make your "problems" look like perfect situations. Just enjoy the people you are invested in and you'll be doing just fine.

"...most of the great art of the world is about that very problem."

balance at the gambrill state park watershed, i wish.

Throwback v.3

Again, on the trail...

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

"The *over dramatic voice* DIGITAL DIVIDE *end/ over dramatic voice*"

This concept of the digital divide is a concept that is commonly looked at in an incorrect way in my honest opinion. The simple answer to the question that is frequently asked is that yes, the availability for people to access computers allows them to have a greater opportunity to "succeed in life" as compared to people who don't. Now that we have evaluated the fat in this question we can now look at how our society has determined success.

warning this will sway away from what we see as the "digital divide" but we will return, promise.

Now we can ask what does the digital divide have in relationship to success? Well, what is success? Success to many is money, power, and prestige. To me success will always be what I do not have, I do not have the ability to be content with anything, I could be extremely successful, wealthy, popular, knowledgeable, although I don't see success as these things. I see success in the man that works 60 hour work weeks to support a family that loves him, and how this man would be totally happy in his life, he may not have upward mobility although he doesn't need it. He is happy and content. Does the digital divide have any effect on this man in question? Absolutely not.

This throws a total curve ball in to our discussion of how the digital divide effects each and everyone of us. Does the digital divide effect you? If you do not have access, do you think you would be better off if you did? Then in this situation it is up to you to answer this question.

Throwback v.2

Continuing the trend...

Monday, September 3, 2007

"yes, you."

There are these days that we all sit and think and dwell on things of past. If you are anything like myself you will realize that this really does us only the comfort of the present thinking moment. There are no long term benefits to dwelling on the past other than learning from mistakes. But it has seemed to me recently that you may not be able to learn from these "mistakes" that one may or may not have made.

My logic in a nutshell with this is fairly simple (as are most of the things that I happen to write about). How can one sit and dwell on what he or she has done wrong, if there was nothing done wrong in the first place? (That even sounds odd in my head, I cant imagine what it looks like to whomever may be reading this...) If you think about something that went wrong in the past, easiest generally being a relationship gone astray. You may come to the conclusion after way too much thought that you had totally treated this person in question wrongly, or with out care. But what if in your head you are actually creating a false answer to a situation that need not be addressed just for the sole reason that you tried to wrap logic around something that you don't have all the information from both parties involved, just your own side.

(i.e. your not thinking about these things with the person you were in the relationship with next to you telling your logic on these issues was false or accurate).

I has seemed to me recently that the gears in my own head will never stop turning when concentrating on things of no importance in the past. This is really an over written entry that could have been shortly summed up by saying "for your own sake, stop over thinking everything."

Throwback v.1

Good ol' throwback from 07...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

"your thought gone wrong, way wrong."

I was sitting down today in a brief moment of thought, then I said should I really attempt to fit in to someone else's mold to be friends, or just be myself and act on the things and feelings I want to act on.

Well, your typical answer would be to "Just be yourself". I can't count how many times I have heard that in my life. Although what I and possibly others run in to in this situation is that I feel that I can not fit in to the mental and physical status quo of some (not in any way an elevated status above the one in question, all on equal planes) for the simple reason that I may sometimes feel that I would wind up censoring my self to the point where I would say I agree with something when I actually do not.

ok thats out of the question right?

Well again I have another issue. In some cases where I am "Just being my self" I wind up offending people or often step on peoples belief structure. This is in no way engineered to make people feel bad, or with any malicious intent but when I am confronted with these problems I feel it is a bad thing to let something go that in my eyes is not totally objective or fair.

so while writing this down I seemed to have come up with something...

The fact that I have strong beliefs in somethings is my own problem. I should probably not deem it necessary to inflict my irrational thought on other people. I have been informed in the past that I seem to portray a vibe of over all supremacy. I in all honesty do not feel this way in any shape or form, and not to the point that I think that I should not speak to some one because I am better than they are. Although I do have a large problem with losing friends. Quite possible I am doing this while being totally unaware of it.

Ill just give up on giving my opinion until after it is

1. asked for.
2. person questioning is given the disclamier that it could get ugly.
3. well thought out.
4. not about wal-mart.

salvation through two wheels.

We all seek things to make us feel better, this is an ingrained directive that we all have deep

within us. Obviously, for some it is easier to create this feeling in ways that could be in the arms of another, in the blur of drugs, or in the bottom of a bottle.

I, on the other hand, always feel really fortunate to be able to occasionally create this feeling through a number of different more socially accepted ways (well some anyway). This particular example i'll use today is through just being you who want to be while riding a simple bicycle. The feelings that come over me when just rolling down a hill in parks local to me or more exotic ones far far away is hard to capture in words. The silence, the trees, the water, the sound of...nothing else. Even looking back on that after writing it, I almost feel compelled to delete it just because of the stupidity of trying to capture something must only be experienced, not read about.

Last time I rode was last sunday with Ed (a guy who embodies the ideal of living life to the best of your ability, a lesson I think so many other people should really think about, more later...) Ed and I had the plan to drive up to Gambrill state park, and ride the downhill sections on the watershed side. We were both really excited for these trails we've both heard a bunch about. We get set up to ride the first set, and start talking with these other two cats (Dave and Tyler), who we didn't know. These guys turn out to be some of the nicest people I've ever met on a trail on the east coast.

(sidenote ehh)

When I was out in Utah at slickrock that was really the first time I'd met anyone on a trail who was just stoked to be where they were at that point in time, not there to lose weight or look more in shape, not because they felt that they had to be, they were just there to enjoy the ride and be.

So, we get to talking with these two and ask if Ed and I can tag along with them the first time down the hill to get a feel for the line and the proper route. We have a run with them, and it was excellent, they were both very technically good, but never in a way that made you feel like a total shit head for being slower at first. I'm smiling from ear to ear at this point, not only because it is a totally sick line down the hill with nice set up jumps and berms (yay!), but because it gave me hope that there are still people out there who are just down to have a good time with who ever. These guys just wanted to "go fast" and have a good time, their riding styles showed it, as did their attitudes. So refreshing.

Riding, good people, and 30-40 degrees of decline will make me smile any day of the week.

sander.